It's not about the shoes...

 

Today I had to say goodbye to these dear shoes. They’ve served me well, in Australia, Japan, and the USA. They’ve been my constant winter companion (when the socks and sandals just won’t cut it) for several years now. They’ve taken me places, hikes up mountains, exploring wildernesses, and sitting by fires as cozy slippers. Some call them my old man carpet shoes, some call them the best Japanese op shop buy ever (okay, so maybe I’m the only one who calls them those things), but many a person would recognize me by these shoes.

But, all good things must come to an end, including a great pair of shoes. When they’re worn completely through, and the rain and snow comes through, they just don’t help my feet quite as much as they used to. But really, today wasn’t sad because of my shoes. In fact, in the light of everything my shoes were hardly thought of. The sadness and bittersweetness comes when it’s time to part from dear family. When the reality of living far away becomes more and more real. When the realization that with the way travel is these days, and the unpredictedness of our lives means we don’t know when we’ll see them next.

Some words of a song come to mind as we think about traveling: How can I help to make you understand why I do what I do, why I must travel to a distant land, far from the home I love. Once I was happily content to be, where I was, as I was, close to the people who were close to me, here in the home I love…. And the sadness of saying goodbye is dampened some by the excitement that is sure to come. Excitement of being together with my husband and our baby in Frankston, the place that feels so much like home. Serving the church together there, setting up our new home, and using it for hospitality. Seeking to use the gifts and abilities that God has given us both to serve him in this place we both feel called to be. So, as we say goodbye to family, to friends, to this place that has been our first home as a married couple, and yes, even leave shoes behind, we look forward to how God will use us on this adventure together.

Third time lucky...

 or so the saying goes. But I know it's not luck, but God who helps us get through things. Tuesday was definitely a day full of learning to trust God more. It was the third time I've taken my drivers license test, but let me back up a bit....

Because I moved to Australia when I was nearly 15 years old, all of my driving experience (except for tractors, go-carts, lawn-mowers, scooters, and the occasion time in the car around the car park) was in Australia. I got my permit when I turned 16, and when I was 18 I got my auto drivers license, passing the test on the first go! Then a few years later our family had 2 manual cars, and rather than wait until I was 23 (when I would have my full license) to be able to drive them on my own, I decided to take my drivers test a second time, this time to get my manual license. And again, I passed on the first go. I think my mum put up with the most bunny hops and stalled cars during this time around of my learning to drive, thanks Mum! Then 11 years later, I moved to America, and I've never held an American drivers license, so once again I found myself needing to take my drivers test. If that's not bad enough, add in COVID-19 and DMV's backed up for months (not to mention that only half of them are doing the road test). So, soon after realising I'd have to get my license I booked a test for my learners permit and my drivers license as early as possible (3 months out). I was told to check back on the DMV website from time to time to see if someone cancelled and I could get an earlier test. So every day I'd check back, looking for available options. 

I was able to get an earlier permit test in Danville (1hr 20minutes from home) so I drove down there on February 11th. I was standing at the desk, showing all of my documents when the computers went down and they looked at me and said I would have to reschedule. I told them I'd driven all the way from Lynchburg, and could I hang around for an hour and see if the computers would come back up? Well, they took pity on me, and continued to process things (the things they could do without the system) and by the time they were ready to process the payment (the main problem of the computers being down) things were back up and I was able to take my test. Now, I'm a studier, especially when it comes to drivers tests. Back when I did it the first time from January 2007 (3 months before I turned 16) I was taking the online practice test multiple times a week, and it paid off and I passed with flying colours. Well the same was true this time. I passed 100% and was on my way to being a licensed US driver. 

A few weeks ago when I was checking the DMV website there was a test slot available 1.5 hours away. So got everything ready to go, then read the website just to double check that I had everything that I needed. One thing that they said would be an issue is if you have any lights on, on the dashboard then your car is not eligible for the test. Well, we've had a check engine light coming on and off for the last couple of months. Our mechanic knows the issue, but they said it's not something that we need to spend money on right now to fix, so we haven't. I decided I didn't want to risk the 3 hour return trip only to be turned away, so I cancelled the test deciding to wait on my original date of March 30. This gave us some incentive to get it fixed. Again our mechanic said, we can turn the light off for you, it won't last, but should last long enough to do the test. So we decided on this solution. We did it once, but the light came back on. We did it again the day before the test, but later that night as we were driving home it came on again. So that started a late night search of 'what are our options?' I checked out the website and found out that we could use a rental car so long as it was in my name. No problem! I have an international drivers license, I can get it with that, we should be all good. Only problem, no cars in Lynchburg. But there were in Danville! So I planned to go down 2 hours early, hire the car, and practice driving it around. Then we saw the second problem, we needed my passport to prove my citizenship, only problem was it was 9pm and the passport was in the safe deposit box and the bank didn't open till 9am, and you have to make an appointment and there were no available appointments. (Did I mention that my test was at 10:30 and it was 1hour 20 minutes away?)Well, this heightened our blood pressure and we weren't sure what we were going to do. Why hadn't I checked more carefully what I needed? So, my sweet husband and I devised a plan. 

• Leave at 6am drive to the rental place, leaving Maria there to get the car 
• Nathaniel drive back to Lynchburg (did I mention its an hour 20 minute drive?!) to the bank, beg them to show mercy and let him in without an appointment, and drive back to the DMV with the passport
• Maria fill out all the paperwork for the car, but wait until we hear about the passport before she books and pays for the car
• Maria drive the car around for a while to get used to it, then drive to the DMV, fill out the paperwork, wait for Nathaniel to arrive with the passport. Show the paperwork, take the test, and hope and pray we never have to do this again

There were so many things that could go wrong, and so many things that needed to fall exactly into place for this to work out. So we prayed, asking God to work things out, and asking Him to help us to trust him. And we slept VERY fitfully. 5am rolled around and the wheels started rolling. 

We got to the rental agency which didn't open until 8. So I walked around, talking with my friend Grace and Audrey, nice to have the company. I got to the rental agency and got everything set up except the payment. They were very gracious to let me do that and sit around, waiting for the 'GO' from Nathaniel. So I sat and waited, doing my devotions, and asking God to listen to my prayers, to show mercy, and help everything to go smoothly. At 9:13am NJ texted to say he had the passport. So I finished the booking, we did the final inspection and went to pay, only problem, our credit card is only in Nathaniels name, so they couldn't accept the payment. And they only do credit cards for international licensing.... What was I going to do. I asked if there was any way, but they said there was no way. So I decided to walk to the DMV (it was only a 20 minute walk, and I couldn't get through on the phones) trying not to cry and I'd ask about the check engine light, and if it mattered enough, ask if I could be a few minutes late while my husband got a hire car, worrying all the time that it wouldn't be good to take the test in a car I'd never DRIVEN! I rang Nathaniel on my walk and explained the situation, telling him to come to the DMV to give me the passport and get the credit card if we needed the car. I was met at  the door of the DMV by the friendliest staff and told that she didn't think the check engine light would matter so long as everything was in working order. That was a major relief. So I started the paperwork, my dear husband arrived with the passport, and I gave him some paperwork that he had to sign off on to say he had observed my driving skills in certain areas. Good thing he was there! (The original plan was that I would drive my self to and from my test and he would be at work) When I was checking the website the night before I noticed that there was this paper, but it said only for drivers who had never been licensed before. So if he hadn't been there I would have pushed that, but he was there, so he signed off on my driving and I went inside to finish the paperwork....they didn't ask me for my passport...I decided I wouldn't mention that fact to my husband until the whole thing was done. I'm sure we could laugh about it later. 

So I took the drivers test, which really shouldn't be called a road test. Because of COVID they have a course set up in the car park that you drive through while an instructor stands outside of your car, giving instructions, and you do the course. After finishing the 4 things I had to do, I was told, 'you missed a couple turn signals, but you passed!' my immediate response, "Praise the Lord!" I could have hugged the man, but that probably wouldn't have been a good idea with social distancing. So I went back inside and they started processing and said, 'you only got your learners in February?' (you have to hold your learners permit for 60 days before you can take the drivers test, UNLESS you have been licensed in another state or country) I explained that I also had a foreign license and they tried to work on issuing my license. While I was standing there I saw the drivers instructor notes that he had written and saw I got a score of 2! Which didn't sound so great, but I passed and P's get licenses, or something like that. Then I saw it was like golf, and low scores were good, you had to get a 15 or below to pass. I'm pretty happy with my 2. They told me to go wait in the car while they tried to sort everything out. So we waited and waited, NJ worked and I tried to take a nap. They called me back in and asked if they could see all of my documents again please. I told them I was really glad they needed to see my passport because my husband had driven all the way back to Lynchburg to get it. We really did need it in order for me to get my license. They said they'd had to go through back channels, but they were able to do it, and handed me a piece of paper, and said my card would come in the mail soon. 

I went out of there so thankful that we have a God who is the best Father, who orchestrates things in hard ways sometimes to help us to trust Him more. Thankful that I wasn't able to pay for the rental car because I didn't need it after all. Thankful that my passport was needed, and that I have a kind husband who drove 3 hours to help me get my license. And thankful that I passed, and hopefully never again will I have to take a drivers test, because three times is enough. 

Traveling Alone

Airports are a funny place. It’s kind of amazing that you can spend hours upon hours in a place, and you never actually go anywhere. Back in the old days, when we used to come back to visit the States, so often we would get into LAX and have 6,7, even 12 hours to kill before our flight to Indianapolis. It was so strange to be so close…and yet still so far away from the people that we held dear.

For some reasons, airports inspire my desire to write. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I have hours upon hours to spare and a limited amount of things that I can do with my time. Or if it’s because there are so many memories attached to airports. Whatever the reason, over the past 24 hours that I’ve been in and out of airports, I’ve been compiling a list of reasons I don’t like to travel alone. So here it goes:

Reasons I don’t like traveling Alone

•          It’s very likely that your international connection won’t wait for a party of one. It’s much more likely that they’ll wait when you’re a family of 5
•           There’s no one to watch the bags so you can go exploring the airport, so you just have to drag your bags around with you everywhere that you go
•           There’s no one to watch your bags while you sleep, so you just have to sleep on top of your bags
  
•           There’s no one to play duets with you on the random piano that you find in the LA airport.
•           There’s no one to talk to when you get bored of hearing yourself think
•           There’s no one to help you double check that you have anything so that you don’t accidentally leave your drink bottle behind
•           There’s no one to give you a hug or hand you a tissue or do the talking for you when you’re so upset about missing a flight that you can’t talk clearly to the people who are trying to help you.
•           You have no one to back you up when the airline is trying to charge you for extra luggage, even though it’s included in your booking.

The list could go on and on, but even as I was thinking through the list, I was also thinking about the reasons why I DO like traveling alone:

•  You’re more likely to meet and talk to the person playing the piano in the LA airport when you don’t have someone you’re travelling with to talk to
• You get to be the one to decide when to get of the plane when it lands, if you have a long time before your connecting flight, it’s okay to sit and wait and gather your items and even be the very last person on the plane.
• You get to decide where to eat lunch, and when to walk the terminals and when to sit at the gate.
• You meet really kind and helpful people who want to do all that they can to get you own your way, especially because they don’t like to see you cry.
• You learn how to make your backpack into a comfortable pillow.
• It's very easy to get booked for a new flight when they only have to find a seat for one, and just happen to have one seat left on the flight to Melbourne
• You don't have to worry about the people you're traveling with being embarrassed about your choice of travel clothing.
  
• You can be productive and work through your ‘to do’ list while you’re at the airport because you don’t have people to talk to and explore with.

So, as my travels continue, with 21 hours added to my travel time because of a plane delay and missed flight, as I travel alone across the world, I have a lot of time to ponder, reflect, and also remember. And I think back to the number of times I’ve sat in this exact airport, the night my family and I moved across the world, remembering the dinner we had with Brandon and Megan’s parents as they were also moving across the world on the same flight. I remember the times we would get in to LAX, and have 12 hours to sleep, explore, find food, and we just couldn’t wait to get to Indianapolis where we were sure to have a crowd of friends and family waiting to see us, and take us to steak n shake just because it was tradition. I remember the time that Benjamin and I spent 24 hours in the Dallas airport because we missed a connection, I remember sleeping on stretchers, and exploring every square inch of the airport so that now when I am there it almost feels like home. I remember the magical doors in the Melbourne airport (that no longer exist) that somehow magically transport you to America when you walk through them. I remember the very first time we stepped through the doors at the international arrivals and there was a whole church family there to meet us, people who loved us before they even knew us. I remember the hugs, the tears, the sad goodbyes, but also the smiles and tears of joy, and sweet hello’s that have taken place at airports. And I’m thankful. Thankful for travel that is so very easy. Thankful for a God who is sovereign even over missed connections. Thankful for friends and family, and as a friend reminded me recently, ‘what a blessing, to know so many wonderful people who love you in so many different places!’ – that really is a blessing to be thankful for.

I feel like snoopy right now...

..."Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.” - Snoopy

It's so true. Someone would always leave...and a lot of the time it feels like I'm the one who is leaving! I am the one always saying goodbye. I hate times that are full of goodbyes. I hate that my heart is torn across the world. In the past week and a half, I've had to say goodbye to 2 brothers, 2 brother-in-law, 2 sister, 2 sisters-in-law, 7 neices, 2 nephews, and 3 Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and countless friends. Goodbyes are so hard. They're always so hard. It's hard even in the lead up to a goodbye. It's hard to be at your siblings house that one last time before you have to say goodbye and leave. It's hard that you missing giving your brother that one last hug to say goodbye. It's hard to have to get back on the road quickly for the last 6 hour drive of the day and to have a rushed goodbye with your Grandparents and siblings. It's hard realising that all your neices and nephews are going to grow up more before the next time you see them. It's hard when you're hanging out with your cousins and Aunts and Uncles having so much fun playing games, only to come to the end of the night and realise it's the last night you'll spend with them, and that tomorrow you'll have to say goodbye. It's hard to say goodbye to people not knowing when the next time will be that you see them again.

And there are times that I think, I wish the world was smaller, I wish we lived back in the 1800's where people grew up and lived in the same place all their life. But then I remember that back then people also left and never saw their family again. And there are times that I wish goodbyes were not such a present reality in my life.

And those things, the longing to all be together, the longing to never have to say goodbye, the longing for no more tears, are all things that also keep present in my mind and heart a longing for Heaven, where for all of eternity all Christians will be together.

And, really, the more I think about it, the more I really ponder it, the more I realise that Jono Blakstons words are so true, 'the goodbye was worth the hello' And I think about the Blackwood Bash, where we were all together for a couple of days, and I remember things like late night D&M's with my siblings when we'd chat into the night. And the times when my neices and nephews would see me walk into the room and come running up to give me a hug. And I think about things like 4wheeling and boating and eating and playing games together with my Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, and Cousins, and I do know that the goodbye, as sad as it is, as hard as it is to say, as much as I don't like to say that word, as much as I want to get everybody in the world that I love together, the goodbye really was worth the many, many hello's that I've had with my siblings, my niblings, my Couns, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, and friends.

The wood between the worlds...

For those of you who have read C.S. Lewis's book titled the Magicians Nephew, you will understand the title. For those of you who haven't, I'll give a little explanation: In his book, the woods between the worlds is a place between our worlds and other worlds (Narnia being one of them) It's almost like a non-place. As I sit here in the Dallas Fort Worth airport, I feel like I'm in the wood between the worlds.

I suppose a lot of airports would feel like this, but this one in particular does. Because I got off a flight filled with Australians, to a place filled with American's, but Dallas isn't my final destination, so it just feels like this sort of in-between place. Because I associate America with certain people (my family, and friends from the States) it doesn't really feel like I'm in America. Yes, if I listen closely to the chatter I can hear that most of the people are speaking in American accents. Yes, if I look around I can see places like chic-fil-a, TGI Fridays, Auntie Annies. Yes, I see that people pull out paper bills to pay for things, and anywhere the date is written it is written in the month, day, year format. But despite all of those things, it still doesn't quite feel like America. It feels more like this in-between place. This place, that maybe doesn't really exist, in my world of Australia, or my world of America. It's just a sort of in-between.

Even though I know that this is only an in-between place I still find myself scanning the crowds as I walk through the airport, hoping that I might see a face that I know, I keep trying to listen for Australian accents, because maybe there will be someone I recognise.  And as I wait here in the airport, I'll eat some Chic-fil-a I try to convince myself that I really am in America. But it's not the country that I look forward to being in, it's the people that I look forward to seeing, so for now, here in Dallas, I'll sit and wait, walk far in wide in this place that feels quite familiar (living here for 24 hours once helps that). And I'll wait for that next flight that will take me to Indianapolis, a place where family will be waiting. and a place that will finally feel like America.

One of my greatest blessings...

...It was Mothers Day this past Sunday. And as I was thinking about my Mother I started reflecting on some of the things that I wouldn't have learnt were it not for her.
So I started a list and I thought I'd Share it:

10 Great Things I Learnt from My Mum 

1. How to read - that's a pretty special thing to have my mother teach me that, but she did, and did so much more than that in the 6 years that she homeschooled me. 
2. How to feed a crowd - mum was almost always okay with us kids inviting 3 extra people over for dinner...20 minutes before dinner was served. She'd cook up some rice, or make garlic bread out of hotdog buns, or do something to stretch the meal so that we could invite others over. This has given me a heart to show hospitality, and a skill to do it without breaking the budget.
3. How to set aside time every day for personal devotions - I remember time and time again walking past mum and dad's bedroom when the door was open and mum was sitting on the bed or kneeling beside it reading her bible praying, even working on memory verses. That is something that has stuck with me when I'm planning my day, I make sure to make time for time with the Lord. 
4. How to sing - I think some of this just happend from osmosis. Seriously. Sometimes when I sing the alto part to a psalm I hear mum singing it in my head (especially the psalms that we sang at meal times and bed times, something that I unconsciously picked up. She also just sang all the time, songs about anything and everything. Probably 50% of the songs that I know I learnt from hearing mum sing them. 
5. That writing thank you notes is important - there certainly were times that I dreaded the days after my birthday because I knew that mum would make me write thank you notes to the people who had given me birthday gifts. But after years of doing that, it became a habit. A habit that I'm so thankful to have. Because thank you notes are important to write, and it's something that I continue to be reminded of every time I receive a thank you note from my mother. 
6. How to drive a manual car  - Dad did a lot of the driving instructions when us kids were first learning to drive a car. When I was 19 and going back for my manual license though, it was mum who took me on my first drive, and most of the drives after that. And though pulling into the driveway was not the most successful drive of my driving career (mum may have lasting damage from that whiplash) mum was always patient with me and took me out again and again to drive our manual van. 
7. How to be a good listener - this is something mum often would do with us kids. She'd just listen when we wanted to talk. But I also saw her do it so very often with neighbours and church friends, and people who just needed a listening ear. She didn't try to fix their problems or offer solutions, she was so often just a listening ear which showed her care for people. She so often had an 'open door' policy in our home.
8. That family is important - This is something I learnt early on, from seeing her interaction with her parents and siblings and neices and nephews. And so often from her words 'don't you love your siblings?'. I grew to understand how important family is, and making the effort to get together with your family and love each other, love your siblings, and your parents even when you're grown up and don't live together anymore. Make family time special. 
9. That games are fun - Our family definitely went through stages of loving to play games together and other times mum would say 'who wants to play a game tonight?' and no one would answer. Sometimes I feel like I'm turning into mum when it seems like I'm the only one in the house who likes to play games, and I better know what it feels likes like when no one wants to play games with you after dinner. But she definitely taught me that playing games together is a fun way to spend an evening. 
10. How to make monkey bread - for as long as I can remember Monkey Bread has been a Blackwood Family Birthday Breakfast tradition. I remember many a late nights the night before someones biirthday mum would ask if anyone wanted to help her make monkey bread, and we'd make it together.

Sometimes I think I was the most privileged of my parents children. Privileged because I got to live with mum and dad longer than any of the rest of my siblings. Privileged because now when I go visit my parents I get them all to myself (which none of the rest of my siblings get anymore) For Mothers day this year I designed a picture for mum that read "Some of my greatest blessings call me Mum" - and it had each of her children's names below it. While that might be true for her, I know that it certainly is true for me, that one of my greatest blessings calls me 'Daughter' - and even further than that, she calls me her favourite middle daughter. I certainly am blessed to have a Mum who loves me as she does. Thank you Mum for teaching me great things, these 10, and SO many more, I love you my favourite mummy in the whole world!

The Smell of memories...

I'm not very regular at writing blogposts. And I find myself writing posts in my head all the time. When I'm cleaning and cooking, going for walks, riding my bike, I think I just speak in story. But I'm not very good at getting them from my head down into writing.
One thing that I often have done in years past is write a post on the anniversary of our family arriving in Australia. Because I'm sentimental, because I don't like those days to just go past without being recognised, and because I like to capture memories in my writing. So today's post, 

The smell of memories....

...Smells can sneak up on you, and suddenly, without trying to, you're reminded of something. They say smell is linked to memory more than all our other senses. And I can testify to that. Anytime I smell honeysuckles I'm a little girl again, in our backyard, making up some kind of concoction that me and my siblings will try eating. Sometimes it was delicious, like our pickle flower soup, or our grain and salt cereal. Followed by a dessert of honeysuckles. The dandelion and brick soups weren't quite as delicious. And you can ask Tamara about the many mud pies that she actually ate. I don't think she'll ever live that down in the Blackwood family. I love the smell of honeysuckles, the remind me of my childhood. Sometimes I think about planting some along our fence, but I'm afraid that if I smelt it every day it would no longer be linked to my childhood, and I would miss it.

When I smell snickerdoodles baking in the oven I'm reminded of Grandma and Grandpa Cole. And the days when they would come visit, and Grandpa would pick us up from school, and we'd come home to Grandma's freshly baked snickerdoodles. I love remembering those days.

Then there's smells that remind me of those first days in Australia 12 years ago. There's that orange air-freshener, anytime I smell it I'm taking back to our foot street house and those first few days. There's the smell of quiche being heated in the oven, our first breakfast in Australia. (we were told later not only do Australians not usually eat egg and bacon quiche for breakfast, but they usually eat it cold, so it's not a smell I smell often :) ). There's the smell of sweet water creek. I'm not even sure exactly what it is, but even now when I go for walks there it smells like 2006. My sisters and I call them 'WOAH!' moments. Those moments when without realising it, a smell, or a sound, or a sight take you back to first moving to Australia, when things were so different and even smells were foreign.

It's nice to look back, and reflect. Yesterday was our last worship service in the guide hall that we've used for the past many years. (We couldn't remember exactly how long we'd been there, which sent me searching through old bulletins. May 14th, 2006 was our first service there, so it has nearly been 12 years in that building) And one of our elders, Tony, reflected on those years in this building. The ways God has used this place for our worship services, the baptisms that have taken place, the people who have professed their faith,the worship and fellowship that has taken place as God has met with us. It was a good reminder to remember. Remember the great things that God has done for us, remember the ways God has blessed us, remember the people whose lives we've been able to reach and be a part of over the years, and even to remember the hard times, because we also remember that God has brought us through them. Both as individuals, and as a church family.

So as I smell things and am reminded of things, I'm thankful. Thankful that God gave us memories. Thankful that random sights and sounds and smells can take me back to places and times to think about and relive to things that God has done in my life.